Finding that right care home in which your loved one will live, possibly for the rest of his or her life, is rather daunting. You choose the location parameters. You have a budget to help you narrow things down. Then, what?
I visited several facilities when I was looking for a care home for my mother. I am happy to say that only one was truly depressing and elicited a resounding “No, I would never place my mother there.” That place was a large facility. As the designated staff person took me on a tour, I was dismayed to see residents lying face down on sofas in the hallway or holding their heads in their hands out in the grounds alone. It had the feel of a State mental hospital or the homeless section of any big city. It was depressing. No amount of interesting animals on the grounds or daily exercise or activity time could make up for the atmosphere.
Everywhere else I visited was a home in the true sense of the word. These care homes were houses in residential areas that appeared no different from their single family neighbors. Generally they were intended for six residents, sometimes eight. Some had nicer furnishings than others. Some had more interesting menus. In some, all the residents were in their bedrooms watching tv. In others, residents were socializing in the living room or tv room. Some had nice yards; others not so much. Staff varied, as well.
I gradually developed certain criteria that helped me decide which care home to choose:
1. Ease of Communication
I knew it was important that my mother be able to understand the staff. Language difficulties make life even more difficult for people with dementia. They have enough trouble understanding what someone wants them to do. If they have to guess what someone is saying, it’s not going to go well.
2. Amiable Staff
I also believed that staff personality was vitally important. A resident becomes reluctant to even ask to go to the bathroom if staff seems stern, impatient, resentful, or frustrated. A cheerful, encouraging, patient, and friendly staff eases every day and makes the resident feel loved rather than a burden.
3. Level of Socialization
There seemed no point in a lovely living room that was covered in plastic. Clearly no one spent any time there. An opportunity to socialize was important. Maybe it is easier for the staff if residents stay in their bedroom, but it seemed a lonely cell-like arrangement to me.
My Care Home Decision
When I made my decision, I based it mostly on the staff. It wasn’t the prettiest home I’d seen, but the staff was awesome—protective, outgoing, lively, attentive, kind, loving, patient, and understandable. Most of the residents spent the day in the living room rather than their bedrooms. There was even a resident pet to add entertainment and a homey feel.
With the increased attention and socialization, Mom improved after moving there. She started eating again. Her swollen and bruised ankles returned to normal. Her mood lifted. She no longer cried and stated, “I hate it here” as she had at her assisted living facility. It pleases me no end to hear her bantering with the staff and calling them “honey” or “lovey.”
Just like a job that is made or wrecked by the people you work with, a care home is made by the staff. I highly recommend making that your first priority.